Hey all,

This is me. Finally surfaced and reporting from Beijing. Sitting in 798 Art District now, zenning and pondering on the current state of my identity crisis.

You say what? Identity crisis? Shouldn’t you be over it already?

Yah, I know I know. Too old for one, but no choice. I’ve gotta finish off the crisis so that I can finally move on.

I find that in the last few months I have spinning the vicious cycle of tech / business / art / tech…..(~spins around in circles). And now I’m still in the same spot. Undecided.

And of course, the toll this has taken on my baby. Me being depressed…..(Baby - this has nothing to do with you….It’s my personal growing pains)

BTW walking thru the art work in 798 is really soothes me down and lift my spirits. I love looking at pictures of people. Black and whites. Lines on their faces. See their stories thru their smiles. This area cuts away all the noise and stresses of everyday Beijing aka every day city living and fakeness of corporate eagerness which I have been constantly putting up for the world to see.

When an object changes direction, it has to first come to a standstill (zero momentum), before beginning to accelerate again.

I may not know my end path but at least I know what gives me peace.

This was on my facebook horoscope today. Damn, totally is a reflection my day! How inspirational!

http://budgetwine.sssnakebyte.com

It focuses on reviewing supermarket wines in Singapore for the simple drinker Got 2 reviews up so come by, read and comment!

i went into a full fledged panic again this morning. wondering what on earth i was doing with my life. i guess i have been feeling like this all weekend. a little antsy about the tasks i was motivated to talk about but not quite motivated enough to accomplish.

this morning, as a response to mich trying to get me to play more tennis with lum, i broke down and went into a frenzy about how i just couldn’t find time to do anything. unless of course again, i threaten to remove her from my life so i can concentrate on the things i have do.

is that true?

somehow i don’t think so. but why do i feel so overwhelmed and underperforming.

i keep telling myself that this is my 1 year of career crisis. and then at the end of it i’ll finally figure out what i want to do. but i guess i’m scared that after 1 year i’ll still be stuck in the same position. clueless, helpless and hopeless. it’s all a blackhole before me. and i’m scared shitless.

what did i do wrong? what do i have to do to right the way i feel inside.

~cry~

Yes. Anyone please apply?

i haven’t blogged for a while since i returned from the maldives. yes this sites been silent cos instead of talking to the world aka myself, i finally have a partner to converse with ad nauseum (actually there’s no nauseum involve…please don’t cringe and die ppl)

so since i left ncs, came back from london, joined gic, left gic, i’m now at ol’ ida. kicking it with the startup team. it sounds quite straightforward, but really a lot of serious stuff has happened on the way.

as everyone that i speak to now knows. after exiting my chains of bondage, i am now amidst a much delayed quarter-life crisis. i’m finally growing up. it’s nutters but when i’m finally able to make decisions about my life, it’s not a joyous as i would have expected. in fact most decisions are quite excruciatingly painful.

we’ll see what happens.

just realised that an old old friend from primary school is now living in new york! wrote her on facebook saying i was gonna do a sociology masters and she sent me this comic. i think it’s hilarious and so true. i was trying to find the most interdisciplinary discipline on earth. and here’s where i am

Yeah, it’s been freaking the best week this year. Thank you, my greatest bowling buddy , Shuf, for making that difference

aiiiight caramba! i’m bouncing off the walls. more alcohol pple! more par-tay! more rolling down the expressway screaming outta my windows!

crap place. can i say it again? crap place. gonna put a blasting review up on tripadvisor. poor tourists that got conned by this place.

also trying to put up my pictures on eriyadu. can’t seem to get my bananalbum to work tho.

in the meantime, take a look my colleague Snoop’s pictures on Picasa. don’t have a camera so its pretty much gonna be the same photos, except embedded in my own site. heh. yes lazy me.

i haven’t been blogging as you can see. i’ve been mostly in the maldives since the beginning of year. both working and doing major self-detox. no alc, no entertainment, oats for breakfast, sit-ups at night and just focus and work. it’s been good. i got my grad school applications in. working non-stop producing code and documentation and learning learning lots.

last weekend i decided treat myself to a break at eriyadu. 3 of us. 2 wolves and a gal (tho i’m more of a wolf than both of them put together) took off to the northern most part of the north male atoll. the island’s so-so. 3 star place. 50 rooms. Mostly retired german, french and japanese folks. the place is marketed as a dive resort. minimal, untouched reef with a resident marine biologist and ecology talks. the place is very communal tho. quite different from the usual cold resorts that pple keep to themselves. within half a day on the island, i recognised everyone and knew their names. the dive school’s a little expensive but very thorough (must be the german heritage). almost all the divers were advance and nitrox certified. i found my open water cert quite useless. they wouldn’t let me go on advanced dives tho sea explorers had left me.

anyway so i did 2 dives. one orientation on the house reef and another at this place called caribbean reef. so-so reef, no current and easy dive. the coral was amazing but so-so cos easy dives mean not much large animals. the other folks headed of to finger point the next day for a shark dive (darn!). not that i was quite ready for diving with 50 sharks. still working on the buoyancy control. would be bad if i accidentally bumped into one of them folks.

so back on male today with the sunday blues . my first sunday blues in a long time. i realise that these swings of rest and stress are not good for me. puts my adrenaline levels on rollercoaster. i wonder if anyone’s done a study on that. (haha taking breaks is not good!). hmm… i’m looking forward to a good bed and a proper wind-up tonight.